I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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