I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
