There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm at about main and main street
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
