My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
