...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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