At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
