Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How does it feel to date your dad?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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