she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
