she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
