Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
