You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
