Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
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Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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