i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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