areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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