captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
