I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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