Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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