Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
