why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
