Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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