I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
