Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
