I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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