there were more penises there than on chat roulette
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
