White coat. Heels.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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