I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
