i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
