She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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