i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you never un-have a 4some
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize