saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
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