She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
