am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
