mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Holy sore nipples Batman
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
