don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
