i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
