he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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