he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
