I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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