Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My pussy is not your playground.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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