i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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