Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
