I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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