I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
and she was petting her beer can
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
