so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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