I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize