Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
