Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
