i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
