so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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