i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.