I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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