end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.