I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We left the knife in your bed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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