shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.