I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.