I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
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The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I will find, mount, and marry that person.