Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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