Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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