He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
