i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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