mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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