I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
