I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
