The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dick very happy bro
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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