I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
